Recently, I was poking around files on my work computer and found a few letters I wrote to Daisy when I was pregnant - this is one of them, written February 13, 2016
Today I am 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant – with approximately 116 days to go. You are, according to some questionable websites, roughly the size of a large mango. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and that has me thinking a lot about love.
I already feel like I could burst with the love I feel for you – and you haven’t even arrived yet. Every day I think about you, I talk to you and I hold my belly with both hands to feel you moving around – it’s the closest I can get to you, for now. One hundred and sixteen days feels like a lifetime away and I want so badly for your arrival to be sooner. Your Dad reminds me that I need to be patient – after all, good things come to those who wait – but it’s difficult because I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life for this. I remember being a little girl myself, maybe only five or six years old, playing with and talking to babies knowing that I couldn’t wait to be a mother. That was over twenty five years ago – that’s how long I’ve been patiently waiting for you! Still, every day that I wait the love I feel grows exponentially and you grow and get bigger and healthier, which is of course worth waiting for.
I am excited to get to know you – to see what makes you laugh, what foods you like, what music inspires you to dance, what your favorite colors are, how you interact with our two dogs, what you sound like when you sneeze, how your hair grows and what your ticklish places are… I can’t wait to teach you how to read and watch you draw and hold your hand on walks through the woods and help you float in the ocean for the first time. I look forward to watching you climb trees and splash in puddles and dance in the rain and make mud pies and eat cake and do all the very messy things that children love to do and exasperate parents until they remember to just laugh and enjoy the moment. I am ready to pull you up into bed next to me when you have nightmares and hold you through your tears, to soothe you when you are sick and make you feel brave and smart and loved even when you doubt yourself.
Aside from daydreaming about all that we will do together, right now all I can do is prepare for your arrival and that is bringing me great joy. Your Dad and I are finishing renovations on the house we will bring you home to, which is stressful and very, very expensive but so worthwhile when I think about nestling you into your crib in your beautiful nursery for the first time. Your room has three bright windows looking out on our tiny backyard – which is actually quite big for the city! – and a very big, very old maple tree. There is a closet for all of your little clothes, which I have started collecting (I can’t help it!) and a corner with room for a chair that we will nurse and read in.
Well, that’s all for now. Just thought I’d say hi and that I’m thinking about you.
I can’t wait for you to get here… June 9 can’t come soon enough.
Love you – to the moon and stars,